Today’s the day I thought as I opened my eyes. Turning 18 was special enough without the added bonus of “the reveal.” I could barely contain my jitters as I kicked off the covers and climbed out of bed. Where was it? Jane’s had been on her wrist, Nicky’s had been on his shoulder. Where was mine? I searched frantically, thinking there was something wrong with me until I saw it in the mirror. Right in the middle of my back were the words “I’m either going out for ice cream, or to commit a heinous crime… I’ll decide in the car.” Why did I have to get the psycho words? I groaned at the incessant knocking on the door. I quickly pulled down my t-shirt, stomped towards the door and yanked it open. “Happy birthday little sister!”
“Good morning Nicky.” I said sleepily. The excitement had worn off, I needed more sleep. He plonked himself down on my bed and looked at me. “What?”
“What do you mean ‘what’? You’ve been fantasising about this for months, don’t hold out on me now little sister.”
“What is with the little sister crap this morning? I get it, you’re older than me.” I pushed past him towards the wardrobe and started pulling clothes out for the day.
“I like to remind myself why I let you stay here. Now let me see it!”
“No!” I threw a cardigan in his face and ran past him. I could hear his annoyed voice following me down the stairs, through the hall and into the kitchen. Jane was cooking breakfast.
“Happy birthday!” she threw her arms around me as Nicky slid into the room. “So, can we see it.” Nick walked past me towards Jane.
“She won’t let me see it.”
“I understand that, you’re her brother. Maybe it’s in a private place, or it’s something you wouldn’t approve of. There are many reasons why she won’t show you Nicholas, don’t push it.” She tapped him on the head with a spatula. There words were fine, normal words. After knowing each other since childhood and dating through their teen years, they knew immediately who the words belonged too. I wish mine were as simple. “You’ll show me though, right?” Janey was my best friend, despite the nearly five year age gap between us, and despite the fact she was engaged to my brother.
“Yeah, you can see it.” I said sadly. Nicky scowled at me.
Janey and I were in my room. Her face reflected my confusion. “How weird. Surely that isn’t something you would say to someone you don’t know. Maybe you already know them, and these are the first words they’re going to say to you now that you’ve turned eighteen. That’s what mine and Nicky’s were.” I thought back on all the people I knew. I knew I couldn’t be 100% certain but I was confident I could cut out the girls; I had never ‘gone’ that way. The guys I knew were not really up to the calibre I had pictured. None of them shared any of my interests: apparently the guys I knew were all the “only care about sports and nothing else matters” type – not that there was anything wrong with that, I had imagined someone I could have a real conversation with, that would understand my love of crappy novels and would want to stay in and binge watch Supernatural or Scrubs or The Mentalist with me. I could picture about three of them saying the words though. I collapsed onto the bed next to Jane. “Hey, the person that you are supposed to be with will be amazing, and up to any standards you have set.”
“How can you know that?” I whispered. Jane poked my stomach until I looked at her.
“Because they are yours.”
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I was so screwed. My dissertation was due in two weeks and I had barely scraped the 3000 mark. The library lights were dim at this late hour and nobody was here but me. It was very disorientating seeing it completely empty. Why did I have to do such a random topic? I scrolled back up to the title and scowled. The Role of the Micro-Cinema in Urban Regeneration. What does that even mean? “Where am I going with this?” I whispered to myself as I scrolled back through my words. I read the last two lines over and over again before wheeling myself away from the screen. I was never going to get it done like this. What would be useful? I spied the coffee machine by the door and scooted over toward it, swerving through the chairs and desks in the library. Pushing the button to start a double espresso, I let my mind wander. Janey had called today, and I had ignored it. It was selfish, but they were happy together, alone. I knew what she was going to say… “We miss you! We wish you would visit! Oh and I’m pregnant now. We’re so happy” etcetera etcetera. I didn’t want to deal with that. Nick never wanted to look after me, I was a burden on his happy life and he was right. He resented me coming to live with them after mum and dad died. The machine beeped, knocking me out of my reverie, and a steaming espresso sat in a paper cup. Burning my fingers, I carried it back over to the computer. A few ideas buzzed around in my skull. Get it written down.
2:43
I sighed, rubbed my aching eyes and sat back. I was now on a steady 5,278 words according to the counter. Not bad. I smiled to myself as I saved the paper on three different USBs and One Drive, just in case. That would be enough for tonight. As I saved the work about ten extra times, I heard a slight commotion from the upper floors of the library. Not alone. I paid no mind to the person or persons making a racket and gathered up my books. “Stupid fucking…” A person suddenly slammed the door to the stairs and stormed out, right into me.
“Goodness!” I said, “Sorry. Are you ok?” the man that had barrelled into me looked down at me, a confused look on his face as if he was trying to remember something.
“I’m either going out for ice cream, or to commit a heinous crime. I’ll decide in the car.” my mind flashed. Was this him? He started to walk past me. Those words. The ones on my back. This was him?
“Wait!” I ran after him, triping over the door and landing face down on the ground. Wonderful. I’d lost him and bruised my face.
“Are you alright? That was a nasty fall.” he was there. I had embarrassed myself in front of my soul mate. He picked up the books that had been strewn all over the floor.
“Thank you. I just – you… I mean. What you said, those words.” I stumbled over my words.
“Where abouts are yours?”
“The middle of my back. It made it easy to forget they were there if i couldn’t see them.” he handed my books to me.
“Mine are on my thigh… Not a great place.” He chuckled. “So, you’re my…?”
“Sorry I don’t look like much. I’ve had three cups of coffee nd haven’t slept for about 22 hours.”
“Don’t apologise, you look beautiful.” I blushed. I’m Tom.” He stuck out his hand to me.
“Hayley.”
“Nice to meet you Hayley.”
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